The Independent Soul

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The White male is the Independent Soul in the litter. More and more, I see him moving in his own direction. While the others race to find nourishment, he stretches languidly or wanders off. He is not neglecting his nourishment by any means, but somehow he must satisfy himself earlier than the others. As one of the most aggressive in the litter, that makes sense. He then takes a nap off to the side, stretching, yawning...

His brothers and sisters often climb over him but this does not disturb him in the least. Beauty is a little non-plussed by the change in his behaviour. She will try to groom him to return his attention to her, but often he simply naps on, refusing to emerge from his relaxing pose.

I am beginning to wonder if the White Kittens will be Flamepoints rather than Bluepoints. Ashleigh is a classical Bluepoint but although it is difficult to tell what sort of colouring will emerge in the next two months, these white kittens could become Flamepoints, given the lightness in their colouring and their mother's colouring. I always fancied a Flamepoint Himalayan but one falls in love with personalities rather than appearance for the most part, and my Cats ultimately chose me rather than the other way round!

A Suspicious Mother

When the eyes of all four kittens opened at last, they immediately began to explore the horizons of their newly discovered universe. Their personalities have begun to surface as well. The white male is the most adventurous of the litter. He often wanders far from his Mother and his siblings. 'Far' in relative terms, in any case, as the limits of his world are within two handspans of the 'centre' at most. The little Marmalade kitten is the other adventurous soul, wandering away from his Mother sometimes even when the others are nursing.

These two intrepid explorers nonetheless tend to cry as they wander, whether out of a desire to test their lungs or to make their mother aware of their location, I cannot tell. It is a small cry rather than a desperate one, a voice that almost sounds like a running commentary of the kitten's discoveries.

I know I am reading far more significance into their actions than probably exists. They may simply be stretching their stubby fat little legs or they may be attempting to find the all-important source of milk now by sight rather than smell...

I can hold a kitten now only if he/she is silent and does not cry. If the kitten makes ANY sound, Beauty becomes extremely agitated and I must return him or her to the natural guardian. She differs in this respect from every other Queen I have had. My beloved Isis always trusted me with her kittens and welcomed my attentions. My Princess never was much of a mother and deposited her kittens into MY lap immediately upon birth. My first Himalayan Queen, Tasie (Anastasia) was a loving mother but like Isis, her daughter, welcomed my help. Beauty alone has a very jealous nature where her babies are concerned. Perhaps this is due to the tragedy in September when she lost her entire litter. I wonder if she associates my attempts to save their lives with their ultimate disappearance. Cats DO have a long memory. Trauma suffered by a kitten can influence his/her behaviour forever. I have detected a steely determination in Beauty from the moment she went into heat again after the death of her last kitten in September. This is not something I have imagined, contrary to my creative interpretations of the little Kittens' current thoughts and motives.

Ash still is not at ease with the presence of his own children in his world. He has taken over the old kitten box and peers over the edge of the box at the Kittens with their mother. He and Beauty were inseparable before she delivered this litter. I could not take one from the room without making the other anxious. In fact, if I took Ash from the room, Beauty would cry loudly and angrily for his return. Ash simply would wait anxiously at the door until his beloved sister returned. This new phase in Beauty's life where her attention is directly exclusively towards the four kittens, must have smashed a hole in poor Ash's spirit. He must come to terms with it, obviously. After all, he is half responsible for the existence of the little ones! He always has been a quiet cat and a thoughtful one, and I can see that he gradually is coming to terms with the changes in his universe. I have no doubt that he will be a very loving father when he overcomes his cowardice and Beauty allows him to move closer to the Kittens. I expect that she has warned him off to some extent as well...

Now that the eyes of the Kittens have opened, Beauty has a new voice for them. She makes a small sound to let them know where she is when any Kitten begins to wander away. She does not prevent the Kitten from doing so, but she will continue to make this sound until all four kittens are nursing again. It is rather charming, very different from her voice when she is anxious about them.

Beauty's jealous nature with respect to her Kittens as well as her total focus upon them has distanced her from me, temporarily I hope. She will not sit in my lap now, although she will leap onto my lap for a second in order to be caressed very briefly. She is more likely to do this when I am holding Ashleigh, and in fact, this always was her habit even before she had the Kittens. She is a rather jealous cat in every respect, formerly jealous of my attention and now jealous of her Kittens. I love both Beauty and Ashleigh dearly, but neither of them exhibit the sort of total love that my other Cats displayed for me. Of course, a fundamental difference between my other Cats and these two is that the others knew me from birth and with Queens who shared every aspect of their lives with me, they almost considered me their Mother as well.

Every Cat, like every human being, is unique and one does not replace another in the heart. The deaths of those whom I loved, whether human or feline, has forced me to recognise this. The pain of loss cannot be dispelled by a new love. A portion of the heart becomes a mausoleum where the memories of all the beloved dead reside. If one person or pet could be substituted for another, any memories of former loves would become worthless. As it is, we continue to value each person or pet we have known and loved while widening the scope of our hearts to include new loves.

This brings me to an equation for Love that includes Need. In the old Northern Rune system, the Rune Nauthiz signified Need or Need-Fire, the power of a fire kindled by necessity, and indeed the physical form of the Rune is that of a firestick and the twig that is rubbed against it to produce a flame. The love of a mother for her child is permeated by Nauthiz on both sides. The child's entire existence for the first couple of years is based on Need for the Mother's love and her ability to give sustenance. The love between any Pet and Owner is founded on the same sort of Need. A Pet usually cannot survive without the Owner's care and this deepens the bond for the owner as well as the animal. It would be the same if our society permitted ownership of Slaves. The bond between a Slave and a good Master or Mistress would have a very strong foundation based upon mutual Need.

In terms of the Love between equals, however, it is said that Need is a a negative element in the equation. True Love should not depend on Need but be free of all considerations of personal interest. If this were the case, however, one would be in the position of a Saint whose love for each and every creature must be equal. One could not elevate any individual over any other in the heart, for if we remove the element of personal interest from the equation, what remains is essentially impersonal. We could base love then upon value in terms of character or the actions of an individual but that creates a foundation for Admiration and Respect rather than Love.

Love must be based either on Need or upon some psychic connection between individuals, whether it is initiated by sexual or another sort of attraction. Attraction is not Love but it creates the spark that initiates it. Need and Attraction often are combined and the equation of any relationship between 'equals' never can be defined properly in simplistic terms. Where the relationship between any human being and a Pet is concerned, although the equation is not as simple as basic Need, it certainly is an inherent part of its foundation.

It is part of the human condition to need to be needed by some one or something. It validates us as breathing, living entities. It provides us with a place in the universe in connecting us with others, whether they are human beings, animals, Nature iteself or another philosophical, political or social Cause. The individual who is afraid of Love tends to cut himself or herself off from others completely. I have known those who, having lost some one, whether a member of the family or a Pet, vows never to become involved with any one again. The reason for this is fear of Pain.

Yet the pain of intense loneliness can be as sharp or relentless as the pain of loss when some one beloved dies. Without Love, no creature can thrive. Without wishing to become a Slave either of any human or any animal, I actually love the sense of being needed by my Pets. My heart expands in the knowledge that my actions improve their lives. When my own life is particularly difficult, I am inspired to continue struggling in the face of potential despair by the knowledge that I am needed. Is this a weakness of character? I do not believe it is. I believe it keeps me connected with the universe and by opening my heart to love, I receive a blessing that is as essential to my spiritual welfare as sunlight is to the body.

In any case, despite Beauty's insistence on being the sum total of everything her babies need, they all need me and she relies upon me to keep her fed and to keep her home clean and warm. It gives me joy to provide for my Cats and sustains my spirit when life is rather grim. My spiritual need for my Cats is as intense as their physical need for me. I know that the emotional bond is equal, that my Cats would grieve if they lost me. I have seen it in other Cats who lost their Masters or Mistresses. They never forgot them, even if they learned to love a new Master or Mistress.

The spiritual and emotional benefits derived from interactions with our Pets has been studied and documented. In fact, there are those who take Cats and Dogs to retirement homes and hospitals for visits and the results have been extremely positive. Simply petting a Cat or Dog can lower blood pressure, reduce anxiety and lighten the burdens of the soul.

The ancient Egyptians worshipped cats as sacred creatures and that attitude actually is neither primitive nor illogical. For the ancient Egyptians, animals and human beings shared a common foundation and their depictions of their Gods therefore were half-human, half-animal. Their vision of the afterlife encompassed all the creatures of Nature, including plants, rivers and seas. In fact, later religions incorporate some of this, both in Christian and Islamic views of Heaven. In Islam, Heaven is described in terms of Gardens and Fountains. Christianity describes Heaven as a place where the Lion, a predator in this life, exists in harmony with the Lamb, the most helpless of prey here on Earth. Any one who loves Animals and has Pets would like to believe that the Afterlife would reunite them. Furthermore, contrary to some dogma in Christianity, Islam and other religious philosophies, I believe that ancient depictions of Gods as part-human, part-animal served to remind humanity of the fact that they erred if they believed they somehow were superior to other creatures in the eyes of the Divine. When we forget our place in the Universe, we are in danger of destroying that Universe. Any environmentalist can provide evidence of the damage humanity has done to OUR environment. We can pretend we are superior to other creatures but, in the ultimate analysis, our survival is linked to that of the same Earth that shelters ALL life. It is only by recognising that all Creatures are part of the same entity that we will thrive.

Eyes Open, Eyes Closed!

There is a little game that I played with a little girl at bedtime. Very few children ever want to go to bed and one tries all sorts of strategies to lull them into sleep. Bedtime stories are one of these. I would read the child a bedtime story but find that her eyes remained fixed upon the book or upon me as I read. I would cry: 'Eyes closed!' and she would respond, 'Eyes OPEN!' It became a little game for the toddler, and she would laugh delightedly each time she cried out, 'Eyes OPEN!'

I thought of that as the newborn kittens began to open their eyes for the first time. In the space of two days, all four of them opened their eyes to take their first view, however blurred, of their new world.

Yes, capturing a photograph of this wonderful new landmark in their lives proved far more difficult than I expected. I am the one who would have to cry, 'Eyes OPEN!'
Either they close their eyes or their faces are hidden from me each time I try to take a photograph...

Part of the problem is that I must shoot downwards into their bed, which is not very promising where a view of their bright little eyes is concerned. Beauty does not help matters either. If I try to remove a kitten for a moment to place him/her in a location where I have a better angle for a photograph, Beauty becomes very distressed. The kittens cry, the Mother cries and I allow myself to be defeated very easily. After all, it's only a photograph...

I did manage to take one 'candid' photograph of a kitten finally with his eyes open. My first successful photograph, taken by holding the kitten's head firmly in the palm of my own hand to keep his head aloft, looked too grim for words, as it appeared almost as though I were throttling the poor little creature. In reality, I held him very gently, but the photograph of him in his own 'bed' will be far less disturbing, both to Beauty and to any potential viewers.

The Kittens on a Cold Saturday

We are being subjected to extremely cold weather here, but the Kittens remain warm, thanks to Beauty and their natural instinct to huddle together in a pile.

This morning, I found only three Kittens in the pile when I first awakened and performed my early morning inspection. Not hearing the sound of any desperately lost soul, I was anxious for a moment... but I found the fourth Kitten sandwiched between the duvet and the heavy blanket, sound asleep!

This represents a new stage in maturity for them actually. Previously, no Kitten would have gone to sleep unless Beauty or its siblings were close enough to touch. Nor would any Kitten allow me to take him/her from siblings or mother to hold. This morning, I was able to set a Kitten on my knee for a moment and rather than howling, he sat there contentedly for a brief interval while Beauty was catching a quick breakfast.

The eyes of all four Kittens remain sealed shut, but there are signs that this will change shortly. It almost looks as though their eyes are shut in sleep now, rather than being sealed.

Holiday Anticipation

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This has been a very difficult Autumn for me, and one that has been fraught with anxiety. With very little money and almost no mobility, I almost despair of being able to organise a proper Yuletide celebration.

Beauty's delivery of four healthy kittens on 2 December was the best Advent gift in the world. Now, each day, I look forward to the next little sign of progress in the lives of the kittens. It generates almost as much anticipation as the thought of opening the next little window on the Advent Calendars we had as children.

Nine days old now, the largest kitten's eyes may open in the next day or two. Another sign is a new tendency to roam a little when they are not nursing. Their movements would not be described as 'roaming' by any frame of reference other than that of a week-old kitten, I daresay, but for a tiny blind creature who has been in the world for only a week to strike out and explore his environment a few inches from his mother's warm belly IS courageous.

Beauty tends to them scrupulously. They are spotless, warm and their little bellies are rounded and plump. She still have an incredible appetite herself but never loses sight of their needs for a moment.

Any one who spared a glance for the photographs on this site probably would think them all alike, and not be able to see any significant change between the appearance of the newborns on 2 December and their appearance a week later.

To me, though, it is fascinating to note how their little heads have changed in shape, becoming less elongated while their fur becomes ever thicker and their legs fatter. Their future markings begin to show a little now.

The biggest chance, however, is the one that has occurred where Beauty herself is concerned. She had no hesitations in assuming the role of Mother but now, a week later, she is beginning to relax a little rather than convincing herself that the kittens need to be nursed constantly. She will throw herself down next to them and go to sleep now, which is something she would not have done a week ago. Dear Beauty, I really do think she is one of the best mothers I have known, and I am relieved to see her rest once in a while!

Meanwhile, Ashleigh finally has taken his courage in all paws to leap tentatively into the Kitten Bed Beauty abandoned two days ago as too small to contain her and her babies any longer. He now arranges himself rather disconsolately in the deep box, peering over the edge at the Kittens and his consort, once his constant companion and playmate, now completely absorbed in her new role. I do hear him playing with his toys, though, in the middle of the night, so he has not become clinically depressed... but he remains utterly bewildered and insecure in the face of the new invasion of tiny Ashleighs and the one little baby who looks like Beauty.

The BIG Nocturnal Move

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Snow again early this morning followed by sleet. My sleep was filled with bizarre dreams of white rats and squirrels who resembled kittens in a strange house. After blessing the instinct that led me to purchase stocks of dry cat food yesterday on a shopping expedition, I visited the kittens and discovered why my dreams had been filled with strange crying rats and squirrels.

Yesterday, while shopping, I had persuaded myself to invest in a proper cat 'bed' sold at the local chemist. What a waste of money THAT proved to be! When I came home to introduce it to Beauty, I discovered that it really was too small to fit both a nursing Cat and her litter.

I placed it on the floor for Ash to explore instead. Having done so, I reorganised her box because she kept destroying the bedding somehow. I found an old clean sheet and arranged it on top of the rug in the kitten box. At the same time, I spread an old thick blanket that Ash and Beauty both liked next to the kitten box.

Whether it was the growth of the kittens or Beauty's own ongoing dissatisfaction with the kitten bed, combined with the introduction of the sheet, I discovered this morning that a BIG move had taken place in the wee hours of the morning.

Beauty had moved all of the kittens out of the box onto the thick blanket I had spread next to the box. Both box and blanket are situated in an old defunct bathtub. I felt it would contain Queen and Kittens better than the floor. No doubt my dreams were prompted by the crying of the kittens as they were moved.

My hope that a new secure place had been chosen by Beauty was in vain, however. A few moments ago, I heard a desperate kitten's cries. I rushed to the site to find that Beauty once again had rearranged her bedding, this time with the unfortunate result that somehow a kitten now was caught BENEATH the blanket.

I managed to extricate one of them instantly, returning it to its mother's frantic attention. In fact, I was unaware of the fact that another kitten was similarly imprisoned until the piercing, heartrending cries continued... Beauty was shielding her kittens with her body. Often, when she changes position, one kitten ends up on the other side. At first I thought that was what had occurred but feeling for another warm little body beneath Beauty met with no success and the crying continued unabated.

I searched beneath the blanket then, but in vain. It was only when I tore everything to pieces that I finally discovered the poor little creature. He had been thrown or had wiggled somehow between two folds of the blanket. I actually expect that Beauty would have found him and rescued him in time. She is very enterprising and very devoted. Even so, I am glad that I was able to restore him to his mother and siblings. I am not certain what the future holds... I daresay my sleep at night will be punctuated with anxiety and frequent visits to the Kittens for the next week or so until their eyes open.

The kittens now have grown to the point where they can move about freely and one actually PURRS. Their genitals have become more pronounced. A quick glance has determined that two are male and two are female. The little Flame is a male. I had begun to suspect as much when his size quickly outpaced that of his siblings. Both males are larger than their sisters. The second female remains smaller than the other three but her appetite is good and I notice that she cleverly nurses while the others sleep, as they can be such bullies, pushing and shoving when they ought to share. I have posted a photograph of the littlest kitten nursing while her siblings sleep peacefully.

Bedtime on 7 December

How perfectly and peacefully they fit together to sleep when their Mum has satisfied every desire... From this idyllic vision alone, you never would imagine the thrashing and endless power struggles that occur when they are awake!

The little Marmalade kitten is going to be a Holy Terror. Last to be born, the Flame began as the smallest and weakest but now is the most active, always trying to steal a nipple from his/her siblings. Although this probably is not the case, the Flame appears to be the one who is most concerned to stay closest to Beauty, pushing all the others out of the way to take the best position.